Bad Romance
by FreekyDisaster18
Summary: Robbie receives some bad news and realises that there is no time like the present to tell Jackie that he loves her.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHORS NOTE: So Lee had really fallen in love with this idea but she found she didn't have the heart to write it so yours truly said that she would give it an attempt because I'm a heartless bitch and yesterday during my English exam, I found myself wasting at least ten minutes plotting this chapter so I decided that I might as well start it. I hope you enjoy it.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters or the plotline, which belongs to Lee and I hope I do her credit xD**

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**[Mulling Over]**

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Robbie slumped down on the park bench, his legs apart so that he could dangle the cheap blue carrier bag between them. The bag contained eight cans of beer and a bottle of vodka that he intended to drink straight, eventually. He had no desire to drink now so he placed the bag on the ground but still in between his legs so that no one could steal them.

His appearance was scruffier than usual. He had gradually loosened his tie as he walked through the park so by the time that he had reached the bench so it was no longer tied and just hung around his neck like a useless sliver of material. He had opened several buttons of his shirt and half of it was tucked into his pants whereas the other half wasn't. One of his shoes had gradually come untied but he hadn't noticed and if he had, he probably wouldn't have cared. His hair was mussed as if he'd not brushed it that morning and even though that was his normal style, today it was ten times worse.

The brown envelope that he held in his hand had been creased, folded and nearly thrown into so many bins as he'd worked from... from... that place and he still didn't know why he held it and it's lies anymore in his hands. He stared emptily over the beautiful park and sighed. Two young females jogged past him and one gave him the eye but he didn't even notice. He was too busy realising that he actually wasn't invincible. That this brown envelope as well as the facts that he carried in his head, had the power over his life!

It had started a few months ago. He'd been on the job with Jackie and they'd been sharing their usual banter when suddenly he'd felt a headache coming on. He'd been having them a lot recently and had even started carrying aspirin with him. A fact Jackie picked up on almost straight away because she knew Robbie wasn't organised.

_She sat down on the edge of his desk and picked up the box that read they were the cheap home brand aspirin that had probably cost him no less than thirty pence. She just sighed before the box in his outstretched hand. "How long have you been getting headaches?" She asked watching as he sat down on his desk, his hands massaging the spot where the throbbing pain insisted on residing._

"_I've not been getting them too long." He lied and at her raised eyebrows, he realised that she wanted exact dates so he decided to lie about that too. "I'd say about a week or two," knowing that really it had been several months. Hence the organisation of him now carrying his own painkillers._

"_You realise migraines are an underlying sign of stress or sleep deprivation." He just sighed before looking over at her._

"_The only stress I get, Detective Reid, is when you're constantly on my case about my sleeping habits. Anyone would think you were jealous of them or something!" He had snapped at her before grabbing his aspirin and leaving the office, mumbling about nosey women that had no better things to do than analyse him. _

He had obviously hunted her down about three minutes after that comment and apologised because he had felt bad. He hated being snappy with Jackie especially about something as trivial as her trying to look out for him. He sighed as he pulled out one of the cans of beers. He decided that drinking vodka straight on an empty stomach wasn't good. He'd line it with the beer first then crack onto the heavy stuff. Not that he normally ever did heavy stuff or actually allow himself to get blitzed.

When he was out in a club, he liked to have control. He drank those horrible tasting lemon alcopops that the girls all went crazy over. He thought they were horrible concoctions devised to get a younger person drunk quicker. The first one had a horrible taste but by the time you'd had a few, the taste was okay because you'd numbed your taste buds. He then would know what he was doing when he was approached by a girl. He made sure of that ever since he'd been used once to get his little black book.

He downed the can in one and he'd known many drunks through the can over their shoulder and let it clutter the floor but he hated that. Children played in this park! If he ever caught anyone doing it, he actually thought he'd shoot them. He sighed as he put the empty but now crushed can back into the bag. He pulled out a second one and demolished that in just the same amount of time.

"_Come on, Robbie. Ewan says he'll give you free drinks!" Stuart was begging for Robbie to join him tonight at this stupid charity auction they were holding at McIntyre's. It was to raise awareness about drug abuse and apparently Ewan did something every year. He had asked kindly for Robbie to be one of his dates this year and Robbie had agreed at first but today he felt rather ill._

"_I don't know Stuart..." He said wincing as another headache came onto him and there were flashing lights in front of his eyes._

"_Robbie..." Stuart cried horrified as he saw his friend starting to convulse as if having a fit. He lurched forward and took hold of the man in his arms as he struggled to flick his phone open with his chin so that he could phone for an ambulance._

That had been just under a month ago. Robbie could still remember waking up and finding the three members of the team hovering over him like worried grandmothers. He'd gruffly told them that he was fine and swatted his hand as a silent hint that he needed space. He had sat up in the bed when the doctor had moved and Robbie had asked everyone to leave as the doctor spoke to him. They'd found something disturbing in Robbie's brain and they were wondering if he'd do some tests. He'd readily agreed. He obviously wanted to know what was wrong with him.

They prodded and poked him for hours. He went into have a cat scan and he had sat still in that huge tube and felt really frightened for the first time in his life. He had stared up into the bright light and something had hit him. This could be his end. What if it was his end? He had then started to fidget causing the doctors voice to come through on the intercom to ask him to persist moving. He had mentally mumbled something about the man being a posh bastard before lying still.

Today was the results. Another two cans had been emptied and another rested in his hands as he stared at the brown envelope in his hands. He had completely forgotten about it. Well he had tried to forget. This had been made achievable because he hadn't told anyone. He hadn't even told Jackie that they'd found something, that they'd wanted to do tests and he hadn't told her that today had literally been his sentencing.

He didn't know how long he sat on that park bench drinking the cans of beer empty, his hand tightening on the envelope. Once he started on the vodka, he found himself thinking about Jackie. He had always loved the pretty brunette that he had worked with. He had never had the courage to tell her and as he glugged back the vodka, he realised he had more courage than he could ever think.

He took another healthy glug of the see through liquid and squinted a little as he tried to analyse how much he'd drank. From the numb pain in the back of his head and the lack of concentration, he could tell a lot and that was confirmed when he saw that the remaining liquid resided under the label. He simply shrugged his shoulders, downed the rest of the liquid, grimacing as it burnt his throat. That stuff wasn't good straight he came to the conclusion as he forced himself off the bench, staggering and holding out his hands as if helping him find balance.

He knew where he wanted to go and what he had to do but he also knew that he had to do it.

He had to do it before it was too late.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHORS NOTE: Wow... I'm struggling more to write something Helen-y and quirky here which is frustrating because it's my A/N that makes my beloved (chelle) smile whenever she reads my stories! I've let you down today but remember you love me ;)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters**

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**[Let Me Speak]**

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Jackie sat up in her bed with a start at the bang on her door. She looked over at her clock that said it was one in the morning. She cursed mentally and grabbed her gun off the side of her bed. She was totally going to use this against the son of bitch that would wake her that early in a morning when everyone knew she started work at a stupid hour. The door opened and she saw Robbie standing there. "Robbie?" She whispered moving out to help him into the flat, her nose wrinkling at the stench that he released.

She managed to get him to the couch and she knelt down at his feet, her hand raking through his hair. He hadn't been at work that day and when she'd asked Burke, he had simply said that Robbie had booked in for a holiday day and they hadn't challenged it because he had several free due to none of them really taking them. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just brilliant." He smiled at her. "Did you know vodka numbs all pain and all emotions?" He asked her and she found herself grimacing. She knew things had to be bad for Robbie to go onto the straight vodka.

"What's happened Robbie?"

"Nothing has happened!" He lied knowing that he couldn't tell her anything. He just looked at her. "I just felt like having a drink and that's what I did." He said in a tone of voice that made her want to laugh. He was pushy when he wanted to be and even though she pretended to be irritated, it was one of the traits that she loved about him. She just knew better than to let him know that.

"So why are you at my door at one in the morning?" She asked moving into the kitchen and filling a glass with cold water from the jug she kept in the door of her fridge. She moved to sit next to him and saw that he looked upset about something. His eyes had lost that twinkle that always made her heart skip. She could always guess what he was up to thanks to that twinkle even though sometimes she knew what wasn't going to like what happened when that twinkle was present.

"I don't know." He said truthfully as he turned to look at her. "I was sat in the park drinking my way through the bottle of vodka and you were the only thought in my mind."

"Robbie, why were you sat in the park drinking vodka?" He started to laugh. How typical of Jackie was that statement? He had just told her that he had been thinking about her but her only concern was that he had been drinking in the park. Any normal woman would want to know why he had been thinking about her or what he had been thinking about.

"It felt like a good thing to do at the time but something tells me tomorrow morning, I'm not going to agree so wholeheartedly with that decision." She smiled at the amusement in his voice as she reached over and stroked his cheek that was rough with a day worth of whiskers. "So what were you thinking about?" She asked and he smiled that she hadn't mentioned that he was thinking about her.

"I was thinking about this pretty brunette detective sergeant that I work with. I do think you'd like her if you ever met her." He drawled sarcastically and she found herself smiling even though she wanted to tell him that his sarcasm wasn't as strong with the drunken slur but she didn't want to upset him so she just turned to look at him.

"You took a day off work to sit on a park bench to drink vodka and realise that you're in love with me?"

"Well that would make you feel pretty special but no that's not why I took the day off. I had an appointment in town this morning that needed urgent attention even though I kept putting it off." He promised and she could tell that from his tone that he didn't want to talk about it so she decided that tonight wasn't the time to get information out of him.

"Robbie..." She whispered and sighed as he just looked over at her. She knew that she should send him away and tell him to sober this off. "Let me refill your glass." She eventually answered after a long silence because she had realised that she had no idea what to say to him. Robbie handed it over to her and she moved into the kitchen.

She stood at the fridge and pressed a hand against her chest. How long had she longed to hear those words come out of Robbie's mouth? She had loved him for too long and now all she wanted to do was argue his point because she knew there had to be something upsetting Robbie for him to have come here and for him to have been drinking. She also feared that when he sobered up in the morning he would regret everything he said to her. She eventually filled up his glass and moved through to the living room but found herself freezing as she saw him lying on the couch asleep.

Covering him in a blanket, she ran her hand through his hair before pressing a kiss to his forehead, "goodnight Robbie."

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There was a thudding pain just behind his eyes the next morning as he woke up. He groaned and swore as he reached up to rub his head. He had never felt this rough. "Oh sleeping beauty finally wakes then." A recognised female voice said from somewhere in the room and he moved his hand away as he forced one eye open. He saw Jackie standing at her bedroom door, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Oh god... What did I do?" He asked and she found herself laughing as she moved over to him with a glass of water and two painkillers.

"Well you didn't do anything too bad but tell me that you're madly in love with me." He thanked her for the water and pills, popped them before turning to look at her.

"Now why would that be funny?" He challenged knowing that did love her even though his head was aching and he really shouldn't be getting into any fights with her because when she was angry he knew she could raise her voice. That would do him no good.

"Oh Robbie, you don't love anyone but yourself." She pointed out but wincing when she saw the hurt flash across his eyes. She sighed as she sat down on the small coffee table and looked at him. "What are you trying to say, Robbie?"

"That I do love you and I do want us to have a relationship." He whispered and she looked at him, her teeth biting the inside of her cheek as she feared that if she admitted that was something she wanted too, he'd start to laugh and tell her that it was one of his pathetic jokes.

"Robbie..."

"It's no joke." He quickly said as if reading her thoughts. "I just love you and I didn't want to waste anymore time pretending that I didn't because I really do." She found herself smiling before leaning over and pressing a kiss to his lips.

"You make it sound as if we have hardly any time to spend together." She teased standing up and walking away. Robbie's eyes narrowed as he looked at the brown envelope that he'd obviously just thrown on her coffee table last night. How did he tell her that was exactly the case?

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHORS NOTE: So this is the third chapter to my latest Taggart story *dances* and I'd like to point out here that I am training to a teacher not someone in medicine so the following chapter has been researched as best as I can but most of it is pretty mad up, I'm sorry about that *pouts***

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the team and if I did, this story sure as hell wouldn't be happening!**

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**[Telling the Boss]**

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"_This operation isn't a cure." The doctor said as he looked over at Robbie and Robbie nodded his head in understanding. Like many people, Robbie had lost loved ones to this illness that was the only thing that could take away life nowadays without much of a fight because there wasn't enough knowledge about it. He knew that the treatment was designed to prolong his life rather than make him immortal. He understood that. "We shall try all our best to remove the cancer but we're unsure..."_

"_That's fine, Doctor." Robbie cut the man off not wanting him to highlight to him anymore that he was fighting a losing battle. The atypical Robbie Ross would have just given in by now. He'd have been fed up of this chase and would have just agreed to carry on with life, well with what he had left but there was something making him fight this one. _

"_Robbie, you need to understand..." His doctor tried to argue but Robbie had stuck to his guns, determined that he didn't want to know anything more than he had to know. He didn't want to know the odds of survival, he didn't want to know any side effects and he sure as hell didn't want to think that this could be the end of his life as he knew it. _

"_I understand everything that I need to, Doctor." He made sure that his doctor believed him before looking over at him. "Are we going to do this or what?" The doctor had just smiled through his thoughts of how Robbie was a stubborn arse but he also knew that that was the winning attitude to have in this kind of situation so instead of arguing his case, he reached out for his diary. Robbie found himself smiling against all odds._

_*******_

_The operation they believed had been a success or so they had hoped. Robbie had felt much better afterwards and he had gone about his life as if nothing had happened. Well that was until he was called back into his doctor's office. The doctor wore that grim expression from the moment Robbie had walked into the office and he just felt his heart sink. He had known that this was what was going to be his fate but now that it was in his face... "Robbie, have a seat." The voice had ripped through his negative thoughts and he nodded before taking place in the indicated seat._

"_So what's the deal?" He had asked in a tone that he had hoped would show that he didn't really care what the conclusion was but he was pretty damn sure that he heard a tremor in his own voice as he realised that he didn't want to die. He hadn't completed everything that he had wanted to._

"_Robbie, we didn't get it all." Robbie nodded his head and bit his lip gently as he felt the rare feeling of tears stinging at the back of his eyes. "The cancer was too far gone for us to be able to do anything."_

"_Is it serious?" His voice was no more than a whisper as he found himself imagining his family's reaction and by family he obviously meant Burke, Stuart and most importantly, Jackie. _

"_Robbie..." The doctor looked over at the young man. The man had been a cocky shit since day one and the doctor had felt some kind of envy towards how lightly the man saw the world but there was real fear in the young man's eyes now and he felt his heart break at the fact that he had to be the one to deliver the following news. Robbie's heart sunk at the answer that was given to him._

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Jackie drove Robbie down to his flat and the whole time in the car he'd sat in silent as he played those two moments over and over in his mind as if they were stuck on a reel. He knew that he needed to tell Jackie but he couldn't do that to her. Not after making her already doubt the feelings that he had for her. They pulled up outside his flat and she looked over at him. "You'd best go clean up before the boss sees that you spent your day off getting drunk."

"There was absolutely nothing wrong with my appearance. You're the one that demanded I came home to get changed." He pointed out and she turned to look at him, her expression one of amusement as she smiled.

"Robbie, you smell like a brewery." She chastised and he laughed as he looked over at her.

"Do you doubt what I've told you?"

"Robbie..." She said in a tone of voice that told him that she wanted him to drop it and more importantly, she was struggling to believe what it was he was trying to say to her. He sighed as he ran his hand over her cheek gently. He had wanted to do this for so long and he knew he wasn't going to rush it now; this one was about making her see that he was being true to his word.

Her eyelids fluttered to a close as his thumb gently ran over her bottom lip and as if by some power uncontrolled by her, her tongue flicked out and licked the rough skin there. He bit back a groan at the simple action as he leant in lightly, his lips replacing his thumb and he nibbled against her bottom lip lightly. She gasped at the slight pain giving him all the access he needed to push his tongue past her defence and teased her into dancing with his. His hand moved round to cup the back of her head so that she had no chance to move away. She didn't want to move away.

She had longed for this kiss just as long as he had and she found her hand tightening around his shirt in a fist, her tongue battling with his dominance. She could faintly taste the beer and vodka that he had drank last night along with the glug of mouthwash he had stolen from her medicine cupboard that morning before he'd left her apartment promising that he'd brush his teeth properly when he got back to his flat. They eventually broke away from each other so that they could breath, their hands staying on the other person as their foreheads rested against each others.

"What was that to prove?" She said through her pants as she tried to control her breathing. Robbie needed a few moments to gather his breath and smiled at her.

"I've just wanted to do that for so damned long." He admitted and she felt her heart skip in her chest because she realised that listening him say those words were something she'd always waited for. "I'd best let you go before the Boss has both our hides."

"Are you sure you don't want..." He stole another kiss from her slightly parted lips.

"I'll be fine." He promised climbing out of the car and watching her drive off before cursing. He had left his envelope at her house.

*******

"You're late, Robbie." Burke's voice made him groan as he realised that he should have phoned into explain his situation but he had literally ran into the apartment to grab a shower, brush his teeth and change into fresh clothes before running back out and grabbing his car so that he'd at least make it to work.

"It won't happen again, boss." He promised turning to look at the small balding man that he had thought of as a father figure for so long even if they did know how to wind each other up and they acted as if they hated each other all the time.

"Damn right it won't." Burke ground out but Robbie knew there was no threat behind the statement. He just needed to say it so that people would think that Robbie was being reprimanded for his lack of punctuality skills. "You're hovering around my door, Robbie." Burke said after a few minutes had passed and Robbie hadn't left.

"Can I have a word with you, boss?"

"Sure." He knew there was something bothering Robbie when he made sure that the door was shut. Normally Robbie would keep the door open so that he could run out or at least shout Jackie whenever he said something to Burke because it normally entailed him having done something wrong that would make Burke want to kill him in the most painful way imaginable. "What's wrong, Robbie?"

"Sir, I went to the doctors yesterday."

"Aye lad, I know. You took a sick day." Burke had been meaning to ask Robbie about his appointment but with their latest case it had slipped his mind and then when it came to asking him he had decided that if Robbie wanted him to know then he'd tell him.

"I don't know how to put this softly so do I have permission to be blunt?"

"You've never asked for permission before." Burke pointed out sarcastically drawing the first smile out of Robbie since he'd walked into the office and had made the short journey across the floor to his door. "Go ahead."

"Sir, I'm dying." Robbie knew his words had shocked Burke because his jaw slackened and his eyes widened in horror. His hands trembled as he looked down at his shoes. "I've got a brain tumour and by the time they noticed it was too late." He whispered softly and Burke cursed before moving round his table and resting on the edge, his hand rubbing his face as he thought over the news that he had just been told. He had always seen Robbie like a son. They drove each other insane but imagining a day without Robbie was... unimaginable!

"How long?" He found himself asking even though he knew he was going to dread the answer.

"The doctors believe I have at least a month and even then that would be very lucky."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHORS NOTE: So I'm living again without a laptop. It's slowly killing me inside but I have managed to borrow my friend's laptop for this weekend so here I am with new chapters/one shots! Be proud my little ones, be proud!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters created by Glenn Chandler!**

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**[Breaking The News]**

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Telling the boss had gone easier than he had at first expected. He had realised that the boss would get a little upset at the idea but he wouldn't show his emotions because that's how the boss rolled. Whereas telling Stuart... That was a different matter completely. Stuart and Robbie had a friendship that was a little more open than Robbie had ever intended. He hadn't wanted to become close to any of his work colleagues when he had first started the job because being close is what caused problems whenever you were out on the field. Yet here he was, years later with the closest friends he'd ever had in the world. He had failed his one thought and here he was about to tell his best friend that he was dying.

He rapped on the door, a bottle of wine in his hand knowing that Ewan was working late tonight so it would just be Stuart and Ronan. The door opened and Robbie smiled at his beautiful niece, "Hello princess, is your dad in?"

"Dad, it's uncle Robbie!" She cried holding up her arms as a hint that she wanted him to pick her up. He smiled as he put the bottle of wine down on the table that rested behind the door before scooping her up into his arms. The girl hadn't been a part of their family for a long time and yet he still felt as if she had been with him as long as she'd been living. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and giggled, "Stubbly!" She said running her hands across his unshaved chin and he smiled.

"I know, you're uncle Robbie is such a scruff." Her dad said from the door and Robbie could tell from his face that he was confused to as why Robbie was here at this time.

"Well not everyone in the world can be as handsome as her daddy." He said softly before pressing a small kiss to her nose, his heart leaping in his chest as he heard her happy giggle. He felt that bitter sting at the back of his eyes that showed he was going to cry because he realised that that soon he'd never hear that little giggle again. Stuart must have sensed something was wrong because he looked at Ronan and said,

"Ronan darling, it's past your bedtime."

"Can Uncle Robbie tuck me in?" She pleaded and Stuart just rolled his eyes. His daughter loved Uncle Robbie the most out of his three work colleagues and that had always made Stuart smile because he had thought she'd cling to Jackie but watching Robbie with his daughter made him smile and realise that he did have a wonderful friend.

"Oh please, daddy let uncle Robbie tuck her in!" Robbie pleaded too and Stuart just chuckled before moving so that Robbie could carry Ronan upstairs. He placed her down on the bed and smiled as she held her hands up in the air. "Oh you're royalty are you?"

"Well I am your princess." She retorted and Robbie laughed happily as he realised that she was so luck him in so many ways and he hoped she continued that once he was gone, he ran his hand over the gorgeous ginger hair that he'd always loved about her and nodded.

"Touché, my little one, touché!" He pulled the tee shirt up over her head and laughed as she wriggled out of the mini skirt that she wore. The girl might be eight years old but she was mentally young due to the years of abuse that she had gone through when she'd lived with her mother and that broke Robbie's heart every time he was reminded of it. He pulled her nightgown on over her head and then kicked off his shoes so that he could curl up on the bed with her.

Cuddling close to him, Ronan pressed her small hand against his larger hand and smiled. "You don't come to see me often anymore." She pouted and he felt the tears coming back as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"I know, shame on me. How about me, you, auntie Jackie and your two dads go on a picnic this weekend?"

"What about Uncle Burke?" Robbie chuckled at the idea of Burke going on a picnic but promised the little girl that he would ask her uncle if he would like to come to a picnic. She sighed happily as she looked up at him. "I love you, Uncle Robbie." She said sleepily, a final kiss being pressed to his cheek before she cuddled up with her bear and fell asleep. He stayed there a few more minutes before climbing off the bed and going on a hunt for Stuart.

"What's wrong?" Stuart's question was blunt and Robbie smiled. He could always count on Stuart to keep him grounded and for him not to cower out of telling him what was wrong. He sat down on the couch, accepted the glass of wine that Stuart gave to him and sighed.

"I finally went to the doctors like you asked me to." He admitted quietly and Stuart leant forward in his armchair, his glass balanced in his two hands as he looked over at his best friend, he decided to stay silent and Robbie tell him when he was ready. "It's cancer, Stuart." He said finally letting the tears that had been threatening since Ronan had giggled in his arms slide down his cheeks and he didn't care that he was doing this in front of Stuart. He just needed to let them out.

"Oh Robbie..." Stuart put his glass down on the glass coffee table, his hand reaching over for the one Robbie held and placing it next to his before moving to sit next to him and pulling him into a hug. This wasn't a position that Stuart and Robbie normally shared, no matter how close they were, but it was one that was needed now and Robbie welcomed the strength and the support. His face nuzzled into Stuart's neck as his body shuddered with heavy sobs that he'd not cried since hearing the news. He'd just thought of his love for Jackie but now the thoughts had hit him. He was leaving behind everyone that he loved. "is it curable?" Robbie shook his head and Stuart's throat tightened. They'd always joked that their lives would be better without Robbie polluting them with his ways but now that the idea he was actually going to leave was depressing. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going on a picnic with your daughter on Saturday..."

"Robbie..." but his comment went ignored.

"... I'm going to spend every spare minute with her, Jamie, Jackie, you and Ewan. I don't want you guys to lose me and feel cheated." Stuart looked at Robbie and decided not to question his thoughts because he doubted his friend was going to be thinking straight.

"Does Jackie know?" Robbie knew almost immediately why Stuart would ask that question. Stuart was the confidante for the pair of them and he would obviously know how Jackie felt about him and how Robbie felt about Jackie. He had probably been playing Cupid secretly for years now but the pair of them were too stubborn to see that.

"No but she knows I love her."

"Robbie, you need to tell her before things get outta hand!" Stuart warned as the door opened and Ewan stepped into the room, his hand raised in a wave as he smiled at Robbie. "Hi handsome," he said accepting his kiss. "Robbie..." he said as his friend stood up.

"I have to get going," at Stuart's face, he nodded. "I'll tell her, Stuart. I promise to tell her." He gave Stuart's hand a friendly squeeze before patting Ewan on the shoulder. "Picnic on Saturday, I hope you're both there with me and your daughter."

"We'll be there." Stuart promised through his tears and he just watched as his friend turned around and left.

"Stuart..."

"He's got cancer." He eventually cried out after a few moments of silence, his arms wrapping around Ewan as he let all the emotions he'd controlled in front of Robbie out. Ewan's own heart sunk at the news and he stroked his partner's back as he held him.

*******

Jackie had expected to find Robbie waiting outside her flat that night after they'd finished work but instead she found her hallway empty and there wasn't even any sign of him breaking in. She sighed as she realised that he'd obviously gotten cold feet. She didn't give it a second thought as she let herself into her flat and dropped her stuff down on the small table.

That's when she saw it. The brown envelope Robbie had been clinging to last night as if it was some sort of life preserve. She should have known better than to look at it but curiosity was winning because it wasn't like Robbie to protect anything important and especially not paperwork. She sat down on her couch and picked up the letter, her heart already starting to race as she recognised the hospital stamp in the corner. Opening it, she pulled out the letter and started to read. She heard herself gasp, her hand reaching up to cover her mouth as tears started to fall.

How could he not tell her? They had all seen what she was like when Brian had died and here he was telling her that he loved her knowing that she'd loved him since forever but yet, he hadn't bother to tell her that he was dying! The tears that fell down her cheeks were a mix of sadness and the anger she felt towards him and both herself because she knew there was only one question floating through her mind.

Could she go this again?

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHORS NOTE: So if I get this right, this should be a pretty angsty chapter but there's no promises because me and angst never ever make firm friends no matter how hard I try *sobs* but oh well, I'll give it a shot :D**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters**

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**[Altercation]**

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Robbie leant against Jackie's shut door, his car keys swinging around his index finger and his coat pocket weighed down by a bottle of red wine. Being here on an evening seemed so natural and he had no idea why he had taken so long to tell her how he felt. He tapped the door with the bottle of wine and waited patiently for her to answer it.

When she did, he saw that she was forcing a smile and he looked at her, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She obviously lied moving aside so that he could come in. "Where have you been? I was expecting to find you waiting on my stoop?" She asked closing the door behind him and turning to look at him, her arms wrapping over her chest in a protective manner and it was a gesture Robbie never liked seeing her do.

"I went round to Stuart's house to talk to him for a short bit. I hadn't seen Ronan in a while so I thought I'd be there for bedtime and then I promised her we'd take her on a big family picnic on Saturday." That was it then, all promises of her being calm and composed crumpled. She looked down at the floor, tears stinging her eyes as she tried to think of a way to bring up the conversation. Fortunately, he started it by putting the wine down on the table and coming over to her, his arms wrapping around her shoulders as his hand nudged at her chin so that she looked at him. "What's wrong, Jackie?"

"You're what's wrong, Robbie!" She whispered pulling away from him and moving over to the table where she picked up the envelope that he'd left behind. "Were you even going to tell me?"

"You read my letter?" He asked wounded because he thought he'd be able to trust her but it appeared that he'd been slightly disillusioned about how close they actually were.

"Yes because that's the issue here, Robbie." She cried out, the tears that had been threatening to overspill earlier now falling down her cheeks. "You know how much I went through when Brian was diagnosed. Why would you keep this from me when you know that I love you more? You're a selfish bastard that only ever cares about your own damned feelings! You obviously wanted one final damned hook up before you died and you didn't once think about my feelings!"

He knew that the words she was shouting at him were intended to hurt but instead he was focusing on one other line. She loved him more than she had loved Brian? He moved towards her, his hand lifting her chin again before lacing its way round to the back of her neck where his fingers twirled in the beautiful brown hair. His forehead rested against hers as he shook his head.

"I wasn't thinking at all," he whispered truthfully. "I went to the doctors and he told me that I had one month left to live and all I could think about was that I'd never told you how I felt about you because I'd always thought there would be the perfect chance and then my perfect chance was snatched away by an illness that's going to end my life, Jacks. Do you really think I was thinking about anything but how much I needed you to know how I felt about you?"

His lips were only a few cm's away from hers and she could feel the words he said against hers, she could feel her heart racing as she realised that this was always what she'd wanted. She had always wanted to be in this situation with Robbie but she'd never thought it would be under these circumstances.

"You're thinking," he breathed before pressing a small kiss against her lips. "I can hear it from here and I know they're dangerous thoughts." Another kiss was placed against her lips that were yearning to be touched by his, "turn them off Jackie and give way to the feelings your heart are send..." She didn't let him finish the sentence because she'd pressed their lips together in a powerful kiss. She couldn't take his words anymore. The seductive tone that he was talking in was making her believe that this was right and the kiss was the only way she could think to silence his words, to silence her thoughts from nit picking at the details here.

"You lied to me, Robbie." She said when the kiss ended and he was starting to undo her shirt buttons, her hands steadied on her shoulders. "I thought we told each other everything?"

"Jackie..." He whispered as he kissed her shoulder, his rough hands touching the silky skin that he'd only ever dreamt about and it was as smooth as he'd believed it would be, "I didn't want to hurt you and I was drunk, would you have believed me?" She knew that he was right; she'd have thought it was one of his lines to try and get her into the sack. She sighed as he arched her slightly, his lips kissing down her bra strap before using his tongue to tease her nipple out from underneath the material. She arched back more, her fingernails clawing at his shirt as she got more desperate for his touch. She had wanted this for so long and here she was getting it but she realised it was for the wrong reasons, she pushed at his shoulders.

"I can't do this, Robbie." She whispered pushing away from his touch and wrapping herself up in the shirt that he'd stripped from her.

"You can't do what?"

"I can't allow you to take my heart when I know that at the end, I'll be alone all over again and I'll have lost another love to..." He walked over and tried to kiss her but she turned her face away, "Robbie, you've not been through the pain. Do you really think that it will be easy for me to watch you leave when you're just a friend?" She challenged and a shadow fell across his face as if he saw her point. "Now imagine the turmoil I'm going to go through if I have to watch you die as a lover," and he moved away from her.

"You're scared and I understand but imagine how I feel!" He shouted at her, unsure of where the sudden urge of anger came from. "I'm going to die, Jackie, not having done anything special in my life. I feel cheated!"

"And I can promise you that a quick rumble in the sack with me isn't going to make you feel any better, Robbie." She said before picking up the letter. "I'd like for you to leave so I can clear my head."

"So you can clear your head?" He growled, "I wish I could just clear my head because then I wouldn't have a great big fucking tumour to worry about!" He watched her wince but he didn't apologise or take back his comments. Instead he just stormed out, his hand strangling the letter while inside the flat, Jackie fell slowly to the floor, heavy tears falling down her cheeks.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHORS NOTE: So I've kind of neglected this story due to being addicted to Pregnant and Punished but here we go... It's a filler chapter. I'm sorry about that but I promise the next one will be better!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters and this definitely wouldn't happen in the TV show if I did**

**

* * *

**

**[Advice, Broken Wrists and Decisions]**

* * *

It had been four long days at the office. Jackie had walked in every morning expecting to see his cheeky grin and know that their fight was forgotten. She knew it was wishful thinking but it got her through sleepless nights. On the Friday morning, she walked in and felt the usual heart sinking feel when she saw his chair was empty. She ran her hands through her brown hair and was about to turn back into the kitchen when Burke called out her name. Jackie looked shyly over at his office, not sure if she actually wanted to go over and talk to him.

"I have coffee in here," she took one last lingering look at the kitchenette and sighed before moving towards his office, ignoring the look that Stuart was giving her. She knew that he must know by now what was happening due to how close he and Robbie were. Burke closed the door and looked over at her. "What happened?"

"What happened when, boss?" She said seriously trying to sound as if she had no idea what he was talking about. Taking hold of the two coffee cups, she dipped her finger in one and smiled happily at the sweetened taste before faltering. The boss had planned this meeting. She really was in trouble.

"Stuart informs me that the last time he saw Robbie he was planning on going to your place and Stuart said it was the happiest he'd seen him since..." Jackie suddenly felt like on of their suspects and Burke had always been the best at making the suspect confess. Jackie looked down at her hands.

"He didn't tell me about it boss. I found out by snooping in his papers," she watched Burke's face fall and she didn't know whether it was over her betrayal of Robbie's trust or because Robbie hadn't told her. It was probably both knowing Burke. He had always been fantastic at being able to keep open minded and never picking sides. "Boss, I know that was wrong but it was just lying there and it intrigued me..."

"Oh Jackie," he sat down in his chair, his hand rubbing at his face as he looked over at her. "And you..." He said hoping that she'd tell him how she reacted. Jackie looked down at her hands, a blush rising on her cheeks as she realised that she had over reacted.

"Boss, I went through the pain with Brian and I don't want to feel that pain again with someone..." She stopped talking as she realised what she had done. She loved Robbie, she'd loved Robbie longer than she'd ever care to admit and she had pushed him away. "Boss, I'm scared. Do I really want to allow myself to fall in love with Robbie knowing that I only have..." She stopped realising that she didn't know how long he had left.

"He has a month, Jackie." Burke whispered down at her before sighing. "Do you think he wants to live this month fearing that he's lost his best friend?"

"Boss..."

"Jackie, you've always been in love with him so even when he does go you are going to be heartbroken and you'll be even more heartbroken due to the fact that you pushed him away to cushion the blow," he advised before standing up and moving towards the door, opening it for her. "I hope you've thought this through, Jackie." He said smiling slightly. "Right now I need you to go talk to the victim again. Something just doesn't add up. You can take Stuart with you."

She stood up, her hand strangling the cup of coffee as she nodded her head. She moved to the door and just before leaving, she looked at Burke. Her hand reaching out to squeeze the one he had holding the door, "Thank you for this." She said holding the cup up to him.

"Oh yes, that's all you have to thank me for." He teased lightly before moving towards his desk. "Come on, the victim can't interrogate herself!" Jackie smiled as she called for Stuart that they were on the move.

* * *

"You're fidgeting," Stuart said after they finished their interview and learning that the woman had lied about not knowing who had attacked her. She gave them a few more hints and even a suggestion to who it could be. Jackie looked over at him, her hands now burying deep into her pockets as she tried to stop their tapping.

"I'm just thinking over what Boss said to me this morning," she looked over at him. "How did you take the news so lightly?"

"I didn't, Jackie." Stuart confessed. "I was strong in front of him but the minute the door slammed behind him..." he smiled lightly as he remembered how he'd ended up lying in their bed, Ewan's arms around him as he shed uncontrollable tears. He was struggling to believe that he was going to lose his best friend. "We have to be strong for him, Jackie. I understand that this is difficult for you because you've been hiding feelings for him for so damned long but Jackie, he needs you now more than ever."

"Stuart, it's not that damned easy!" She shouted angrily hitting the car door, her hand throbbing with the pain as tears started to flood free. "I acted weird when Brian fell ill, do you know how crazy I would go if I lost Robbie?"

"Jackie, I heard what Boss said and he was right. You're going to lose Robbie anyway. Do you want to lose Robbie knowing that you had about a month of happiness or lose Robbie knowing that you pushed him away when you needed him the most?" Stuart pointed out, his hand reaching over to take hold of her wrist before laughing. It was already starting to swell. "You've punched car doors so many times over Robbie and the one time it's not him teasing you, you go and sprain it. Let's take you to the hospital."

"He's a pain in my life without being here... just great." She commented making them both laugh.

* * *

While being in the hospital, Jackie had time to think about what she wanted and what it was she was doing wrong. She sighed as she watched the doctor strap up her wrist, a cute nurse talking to Stuart and all she could think about was how if Robbie was here then he'd totally be hitting on the nurse while adding the odd sarcastic comment to how much of an idiot Jackie was for hurting her wrist.

She looked over at Stuart, "what time is the picnic at on Saturday?" Stuart smiled at her.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	7. Chapter 7

**AUTHORS NOTE: So I think this chapter is pooh to. I'm just on a low about this story but I swear you'll get some good stuff now! If not, you can hunt me down and gut me like a fish (WOW, I've not said that in an age!)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but Ewan and Ronan. My cutie pies!**

* * *

**[Picnics and Restoration]**

* * *

"Uncle Robbie!" Ronan called out on the Saturday afternoon when she'd watched him enter the park, a smile on her face as she ran towards him and jumped onto him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, lips pressing kisses over his face as she showed her happiness to see him there.

"Ronan," Stuart called gently moving towards them and taking hold of his daughter, taking in how peeked Robbie looked and smiled sympathetically as he offered him an arm, a gesture Robbie would have once neglected but today he felt like he needed it. He'd spent most of the night before throwing up, his body slumped against his bath tub as he'd cried in pain at being alone through the times.

He thought of the cocktail of untaken drugs that still resided in his sink basin and for how long he'd sat with a few in his trembling hands, a glass in the other and the urge just to take them all so that he could end it all. He wanted the vomiting to stop, his hair to stay strong and for his skin to return to its natural brown colour. He was helped down onto the blanket and Ewan situated himself close enough to him so that he could lean without anyone saying anything.

"How are you?" He asked as Stuart took Ronan away to kick a ball that they'd brought with them. She'd been brought up with me quite a bit so she was used to playing sports and she'd picked up a flare for football.

"Oh you know as strong as I can be," he lied flashing a forced grin before accepting the sandwich but his plan was to pick at it because he'd not been able to stomach anything the last few days. Ewan reached out and stroked his cheek,

"You look like you could do with a good sleep." Robbie thought of all the hours that he wasted staring at the ceiling by thinking of what he had left to do in his remaining two weeks. He needed to talk to his family, make up with Jackie and more importantly, he didn't want little Ronan to forget about him. He sighed as he put the sandwich down.

"It's hard to sleep. I think too much, when I doze off I either start coughing and choking or want to vomit and then when I sleep..."

"the dreams kick in," Ewan finished off for him and he looked out to where Stuart had just lifted Ronan into the air, swinging her around and he smiled at their happy laughs.

"Oh you'd know about this shit. Cancer is like going cold turkey but a little worse," he laughed coughing causing Ewan to rub his back straight away. Ewan laughed at the comment.

"Krystal did this willingly," he pointed out before watching as he took a drink of water. "I don't want to be a misery, Robbie but I was wondering if you wanted to..." He stopped talking because he didn't know how to approach the situation. He knew that when most people found out they were going to die, they planned their own funerals to make sure that it was a happy occasion.

"I want throwing in my grave and you guys to go to McIntyres and get trashed," Ewan smiled at his friend and pulled him into a man hug. He should have known better.

"Well I'd listen to all of that apart from throwing you into a grave," he laughed before sighing as he looked over to where Jackie was walking towards them. A white summer dress made perfect the warm weather that they were having and she also got the same treatment from Ronan as Robbie had when the young girl spied her arrival.

"Oh just what I need, another lecture." Ewan smiled at his much that sounded like the old Robbie. "I could do with a pint right now," he laughed as he pulled two ice cold beers out of the ice box that he'd brought.

"How typical of you not to bring food but booze," the pub owner laughed helping Robbie pop the cap and laughed as Robbie snorted,

"Hey, I'm dying. Doesn't mean I'm going to change. God will need to do something really bad to stop that happen," he winked taking a drink of the ice cold beer, the first real smiling lighting his face for that day and Ewan smiled at the sight of it before taking a swig of his own beer and waving over at Jackie, who was talking in hushed tones to Stuart. Robbie's head tilted to the side, "why is her arm in a pot?"

"Oh you'll need to ask her that," Ewan said before kneeling up and pressing a kiss to her cheek as she sat down on the blanket. "Jackie, you look as breath taking as always." He whispered smiling and she laughed as she reached over and pressed a kiss to his cheek for the lovely comment.

"This old thing has been gathering dust in my wardrobe for years," she lied not wanting to let them know that she'd bought that morning as a hope to ensnare Robbie's attention due to it being low cut and pretty snug around the bum and waist. It had worked. Robbie couldn't remember why he'd avoided her all week because he was too busy trying to look at her face and not the pot on her arm or the perfect cleavage.

"What did you do to your arm?" He asked and she looked down at the pink pot, much to her dismay it was the only colour they'd had left, and smiled as she realised that she was going to change the story a tiny bit so that he wouldn't know it was over him.

"I punched a car. You know what I'm like when I'm frustrated,"

"Yes you act like a hormonal woman and don't care who you hurt." Ewan winced into his beer bottle at the harsh comment but didn't say anything for a few minutes before calling Ronan and Stuart over to have something to eat. Jackie just glared at Robbie. She could be just as low.

* * *

An hour and a shit load of abuse later, both Ewan and Stuart were close to murdering their friends. Thankfully Ronan hadn't picked up on the tension but that didn't mean they didn't want to hurt their friends. Ronan had gone off to pet a dog with Ewan when Stuart glared at them both. "Will you two both grow the fuck up?" He snapped angrily and both stared at him shocked because of the use of language. He rarely got that angry at him. "This picnic was meant to be about spending time with Ronan and instead you two are sniping like children."

"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time causing them to blush and look down at the floor.

"Now will you both go for a walk and sort this shit out because frankly I'm starting to tire of it and so close to sending one of you home..." He pointed out before looking at them both and when neither when to move he just glared and said, "NOW!" in a louder tone of voice that caused them both to jump as best they could for one with a pot on and the other weak. They started to walk, a large distance between them.

The other half of their gang were tiny to them when Jackie stopped walking and said, "you should have told me."

"How would I have found the perfect moment, Jackie? Why was that important? Would you have felt any different to me if I was still going to live after two weeks?" He demanded to know and she just glared at him.

"That is not the point and you damn well knew it. You manipulated me knowing full well you'd leave me in misery!"

"No I didn't!" He shouted at her, his hands reaching out to grab hold of her shoulders so that there was nothing distancing them. "I didn't think about anything but how much I wanted to let you know that I love you! God Jackie, do you really think I'd want to put you through that on purpose?" He let her go then and moved away, his head shaking. "I just wish I'd been stronger to tell you years ago that I loved you so we could have had more time together."

She stared at him speechless for a few minutes, tears falling down her face but she didn't even know that as she stared at him. "I love you, Robbie." She whispered and moved towards him slightly, her arms wrapping around her chest protectively as she bit her lip. "I'm just afraid. I don't want to lose something so important to me but I don't want to lose you now and hate myself even more." She whispered.

"I wouldn't want you to hate yourself. If you want nothing to do with me, I understand. I'll let you go and never mention it again." She just laughed and shook her head, her lips pressing against his gently as she caressed his cheek.

"I'd never hate me or you for this. We've lied to ourselves for too long and now it's time to live a little, right?" He smiled at her choice of words and nodded.

"Yes. It is time for me to live." He agreed kissing her, a smile spreading as he heard Ronan's cheer that her favourite aunt and uncle were kissing each other.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	8. Chapter 8

**AUTHORS NOTE: So this is another story that I've neglected recently for Fanfiction. Here is the next chapter. I was going for heartbreaking and failed, miserably. I hope you enjoy all the same!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this chapter but the cancer... damn!**

* * *

**[Facing Demons]**

* * *

That next morning, Robbie sat up in his bed and immediately winced as pain washed through him. He had no idea what was wrong with him but he suddenly felt extremely sick. He pressed his hand against his forehead and then groaned before climbing out of the bed so that he could stumble to the bathroom. The cocktail pills were still lining the basin on the sink and once again they looked like a beautiful way out. Kneeling down on the floor, he deposited most of his stomach into the toilet bowl.

He didn't know how long he sat there but he did jump when a small hand was pressed to his back. He sat up from his position, reached his best for the flusher but eventually gave up before sighing. "Are you okay?" She asked continuing to rub his back.

"No," he said after a few moments of deciding what to say to her. "I'm sick to death of being ill." She went to open her mouth and he shook his head. "Please do not tell me that everything will be okay because I know for a fact that I won't be. Jackie, I have a week left according to my wonderful doctor and I want to live it to the full but I can't because every day I find myself lying on the bathroom floor, vomit lining my toilet and a cocktail of pills seducing me to an impatient end."

She listened to him talk for a few moments before pushing herself up off the floor, her hand being held out to him. He looked up at her.

"What?" He asked in a weak voice and she just smiled.

"Let's do something today." She said and he just looked at her for a few moments before nodding his head and allowing her to pull him up to his feet. She cleaned out his sink with the concoction of pills, tipping them into the bin and promising that she'd replace the important pills that she'd just thrown away. He just smiled. "So what do you want to do today?" She asked helping him down on to the toilet and handing him his toothbrush.

He started to clean his teeth while looking at her thoughtfully, "I want to go to the movie theatres and then tomorrow I want to go bowling with the team, I want to do everything one last time." She smiled as she accepted his plan.

"I think that's a perfect idea." She said helping him out of the bathroom.

* * *

"That movie was pants!" Robbie said laughing as he stepped out of the room, his hand buried deep into his box of popcorn as he shoved it into his mouth. The sugar overdose was having a positive effect on his attitude and Jackie couldn't help but laugh as she linked arms with him.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad." The woman laughed slightly as she nudged him towards the food court. He smiled.

"You're my dream woman, Jacks." He said pulling her into the Chinese one and smiling. His diet was supposed to be controlled now that he was ill but who cares? He was dying in a week and he was going to enjoy some of his favourite food. He ordered a bit of everything and directed for Jackie to go get them a table.

"It's weird being in the complex when the place is dead," she said as he sat down next to her, holding out a carton of coca cola for her. She accepted it and took a swig. "It's weird."

"It's quiet," he said looking around the place before starting to munch on the rice. He looked over at her and smiled. "I'm sorry. Would you like to go somewhere else?" He said putting down his fork and starting to stand up. Reaching out, she took hold of his hand and pulled him back down onto his chair.

"This is about you. We're going to enjoy this..." she looked down at the table, her eyebrows raised as she saw the amount of food he had bought. "Does anyone normal actually eat this amount of food?" She said laughing as he held out a forkful of rice for her. She took the mouthful and gasped. "Damn. That is good!"

"Of course it is! I used to just come here and eat the food. I love it too damned much." He said laughing as he moved over for the curry, a smile on his face as he looked over at her. "I'm sorry. I'm going down nostalgia road and it's not something you want to be a part of," he blushed as he started to move the food around the plate, his teeth nibbling on his lower lip.

"No. I don't mind. You should know that I love listening to you talk seeing as it's something I've got used to over all the years of listening to you in the office," she teased reaching over and pressing a kiss to his lips, moving the worrying teeth away as he responded. When she moved back, she looked over at him and sighed. "Have you told Gail and Jamie?" When he looked away, she knew her answer. "Oh Jesus, Robbie."

"How do I tell my son that I am dying, Jackie?"

"He's older now, sweetheart. If you don't tell him, he'll be even more wounded!" She pointed out and he looked down at the table again. He knew that she was telling the truth but he still couldn't bring himself to admit that it was something he needed to do. "Do you need me to come with you? You know he loves seeing me." She pointed out evenly and Jamie laughed because it was the truth. Whenever Jamie had come to stay previously, he had always asked immediately when auntie Jackie was coming over.

"Are you sure that is something you want to be a part of?" She just smiled and reached over to squeeze his hand.

* * *

"Why am I here again?" He said as they approached the door where Gail stayed with their son. She looked over at him and just smiled before reaching out to press the doorbell. He looked over at her, his eyes wide. Without the doorbell being pressed he still had the opportunity to leave. A few seconds later, the door opened and Gail faltered as she saw them stood there.

"Robbie," she said in a welcoming tone. Reaching out, she pulled him into a hug before turning to Jackie. "It's been an age since I saw you, Jackie. Do come in," she said moving them into the house. "Jamie, your dad is here." She called up the stairs before moving them into the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Could I trouble you for a glass of water?" He asked looking down at his watch. Gail just nodded and indicated for them to move into the living room. Not long before they'd been seated Jamie ran into the living room and went to jump on his dad but he held out his hand. "Steady son," he chuckled pulling him into a hug when he froze. Jamie clung to him. Even though the boy was now thirteen, he still loved his dad more than anything. Everyone believed that was because he rarely saw the guy and he was a cool guy due to him being a detective.

"Auntie Jackie," the boy cried out afterwards, jumping onto her and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Hey champ, how has school been?" She asked and while they got into a long conversation, Robbie decided to move through to the kitchen where Gail hadn't returned from.

"Fetching the water from the well?" he teased leaning on the counter, turning to look at her. She turned round to smile at him, her arms wrapping around her chest as she looked him up and down.

"You're looking like shit, Robbie." She said honestly nodding her head. "I fear that you've come to tell me..."

"I'm dying," he whispered and he saw that was what she'd predicted from the minute she looked away from him, tears falling down her cheeks. He walked over to her, his hand pressing against her shoulder as he made her look up at him. "Hey, you hate me remember? That's why we're not together."

"Jesus Robbie, just because I hate you doesn't mean I want you to die! I've always loved you like a best friend because of how amazing you are with our son," she handed him the glass of water, her hand pressing to his arm. "How long do they think you have left?"

"This weekend will be my end game," he teased looking down at the floor.

"You weren't going to tell us, were you?" She said shaking her head as she laughed. "Now that's the Robbie I know and love. I suppose I have detective Reid to thank for this confession then?" He nodded in agreement and she smiled. "Smart woman," she admitted despite having always hated the woman through to how much Robbie had loved her.

"I needed to make sure Jamie knew that I'd always love him," Gail looked up at him through her tears and nodded.

"I promise he'll always know that," she said moving into his arms, her cheek pressed against his chest as she allowed for the tears to fall. How could something so cruel be happening to someone like Robbie?

"Is everything okay?" Jamie asked from the doorway, Jackie stood behind him with her hands on his shoulders showing that she had tried to keep him out of the kitchen. Robbie motioned for him to join them. The boy walked over and Robbie knelt down to look at him, his hands on his side.

"Jamie, I'm ill." He admitted looking up at the boy. "What I have there is no cure for so..."

"You're going to heaven?" Jamie whispered, his arms hooking around his dad's neck. Robbie looked at the young boy and nodded his head.

"Yes but you should know that I always be watching over you and loving you."

"I know, dad." He promised. Robbie could see that the boy was trying not to cry. He stroked the boy's cheek with his thumb and shook his head.

"Jamie, I don't care what you've been told. It is not wrong for boys to cry. I don't want you to try and be brave over this because that's what drives a man insane." He admitted to the boy and smiled as a tear slipped down his son's face as he nodded. "You are going to be looking after your mum and making sure she's safe for me though, aren't you?"

"Yes sir," he said smiling.

"And you're auntie Jackie because we all know she's going to break down into little pieces when I leave her alone," he said with a sly wink causing both Gail and Jackie to laugh as they saw the young boy nod in agreement. Robbie smiled also and pulled his son into a tight hug. "I love you, son."

"I love you too, dad."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	9. Chapter 9

**AUTHORS NOTE: I think this story is going to come to an end soon. I know. It's killing me too but all things must come to an end soon! I hope you enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters, thankfully because I'd have killed them all ten times over! Also I have no idea if the medical advice is right. The stroke/brain cells destroyed is what happened to my grannie so I know that part is true but the rest is total poetic license :)**

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* * *

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**[Blackouts]**

* * *

"He wants us to go bowling?" Burke said that morning as he accepted the Starbucks coffee that Jackie had brought in as an attempt to sweeten the deal. She knew that Burke hated doing things outside the office and she was sure that he would refuse this too.

"He wants to do everything one last time and he wants us all to go out bowling tonight," she looked over at him with her eyebrows raised. "He could have asked for us to go clubbing, boss but he knew that you wouldn't want to take part in that," or that he'd be able to survive it either but that wasn't a fact Burke needed to know. "You'll have fun and besides, he's a lame ass bowler. You might win?"

"You should know it's not about winning, Jackie." He smiled though and Jackie could tell that it was going to work. "Okay. I'll only do it seeing as it'll be a family thing," he said referring to that he was taking his latest romance and Stuart would be taking Ewan if they could find a sitter for Ronan. Jackie smiled and was so close to pressing a kiss on his face but he must have sensed it because he backed off into his office leaving her to laugh giddily.

"Aren't you afraid?" Stuart's voice said from behind and she turned to look at him, holding out the coffee that she had bought him too. She moved towards her desk and shrugged her shoulders.

"What is there to be afraid of, Stuart?" She took a swig of her coffee and smiled as Stuart just glared at her. She should know better than to lie to Stuart. He knew her inside out and could always tell when she was putting on a brave face. The same went for Burke actually. Robbie was the only one that seemed to struggle seeing through her facade or maybe he did see but chose to ignore it. "Stuart, I have nothing to be afraid of. I'm going to be brave for him and then when he's..." He leant over and squeezed her hand. "I'll have you guys to support me, right?"

Stuart smiled as he stood up from his chair, his arms wrapping around the woman as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Always," he promised and then he heard someone clearing their throat.

"I'm seriously hoping I'm not losing my girl to my gay best friend," Robbie said moving slowly through to his chair where he sat down, grunting at the pain in his abdomen as he smiled over at them. "I mean, I have a reputation to uphold and I wouldn't want it tarnished even when deceased," he joked lightly unsure if any of them were ready for his laughing death in the face gimmick. They both laughed, thankfully, causing him to grin as Stuart gave Jackie one final squeeze and moved round to his own seat.

"What are you doing here, Ross?" Burke said coming out of his office. "You're on sabbatical."

"I hate it when people say that! It's a nice way to say that I have the option to come back when I make the decision. I have no choice pal. So tell them I'm on death leave," he grumbled reaching over and stealing Jackie's drink, ignoring her complaint.

"You're funny," Burke sarcastically came back with causing Robbie to wink at him, the cup behind held up to him in a cheers motion. "So why are you cluttering up my bullpen?"

"Hey!" Robbie scorned. "I thought I'd come and see what the latest case is. I'm going crazy at my house with nothing to do! Please let me help. I promise not to get in the way." He flashed Burke his puppy dog eyes and toothy grin causing the man to chuckle before shaking his head.

"You should know you're always welcome to come in and help us." He handed him the file. "You should also realise that you're totally on desk duty, sunshine because I'm not letting you out on the streets when you're looking as weak as you do."

"Cheers boss, if I'm ever depressed and I need someone to cheer me up; you're totally on the bottom of my hit list. I'll talk to Satan before I talk to you," the simple sentence caused the whole team to crack up and Robbie smiled at the sound. It was a rare occurrence but one that he had always loved working with the three of them. Burke squeezed his shoulder lightly before moving back to the office. "So who is going to fill me in on the case because I've never read a file in my life and I am not starting now?" Stuart just shook his head before proceeding with what was going off.

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After the initial argument that Burke did indeed have to wear some of the alley shoes, they'd eventually settled down to the game. Burke's girlfriend was a lovely woman that made Burke smile more in five minutes than the team had probably seen him do in a lifetime but no one mentioned this to him. Ewan was constantly flirting with Stuart and teasing him when he threw a lame ball and congratulating him when he actually managed to hit some of the pins. Jackie pressed a kiss to his lips every before and after she went up to bowl. Robbie couldn't help but smile through his pain as he sat back on the hard bench and watched what was happening.

Since leaving the house, he'd been feeling sharp stabbing pains in his head but he hadn't wanted for Jackie to cancel tonight so he'd kept it to himself. He'd decided that he would just drink some water and have some of his heavy assed pain killers. Why wouldn't that help? His breathing was becoming ragged but thankfully he could smile through the pain and no one could hear his pained whimpers over the loud music, the laughter and the sound of the balls hitting the pins.

"Are you having fun?" Sally asked as she handed Robbie his water which he'd been trying to stretch for. He smiled gratefully as he took a healthy drink of it before answering her.

"It's been a great night. I thank you for coming," he said coughing into his hands and smiled as she rubbed his back which was completely soothing. Why did he feel more comfortable allowing a stranger helping him than Jackie? If Jackie had tried to help him, he'd have barked that he wasn't an invalid and yet here he was allowing a woman to rub circles on his back and help him with his water.

"It was my pleasure. I must admit, it's nice to see Matthew enjoying himself. His idea of a date normally is just a meal where we sit in silence." She smiled and Robbie could tell that she really liked him and wouldn't mind sitting in silence as long as he there with her. He smiled back at her as he took another drink. It was another reason for why he was so grateful to have been able to tell Jackie how he felt about her now.

He looked over at her, blinking to remove the sudden blurry vision, and smiled as he saw her with her arms around Ewan's waist and her head resting on his shoulder as they laughed over something that he was saying to her. He would miss Ewan too. The guy had put way too many smiles on his face over the two years. He cursed as a stabbing pain caused him to close his eyes, his grip loosening on the glass allowing it the chance to fall to the floor and smash into millions of pieces.

At the sound everyone turned round to look at him and Jackie called out his name as she saw his body writhing on the bench. Sally was doing her best to remove the glass off the floor in case he fell off the stool because as a nurse she knew that you're not allowed to touch someone in the middle of a fit. She held out her hand to stop Jackie trying to run and touch him. Stuart and Ewan held her back also knowing that you shouldn't disturb them. Burke was on his phone for an ambulance. Everyone else in the alley was starting to gather around and Jackie was pleading for them to get rid of them, Ewan just pulled her into his arms as Stuart went away to do that.

The fit finally subsided and Sally did the precautionary checks. She saw that his muscles were still flicking but that was normally a sign of someone having died so she checked his pulse. It was weak. "We need them here now," she said putting him into the recovery position and making sure that he was breathing at all times. Jackie just cried harder into Ewan's shirt.

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At the hospital everyone was gathered in the family room while Sally had gone off with the doctors to find out what she could because they'd all agreed that the hospital would talk to her. Ewan and Stuart sat at either side of Jackie, their arms around her shoulders and each with a hand on her knee. "He should have told me he didn't feel well," she whispered and Ewan shook his head.

"Sweetheart, he wanted to live everything one last time so why would he tell you knowing that you'd make him stay home?" He smiled at how much Robbie sounded like a small school boy determined to go out to play. He felt his own tears forming and smiled as Stuart held his hand behind Jackie's back.

The door opened and Sally walked in with Robbie's doctor. "I'm looking for a Matthew Burke, Stuart Fraser and Jackie Reid?" He laughed. "He had such difficulty picking his emergency contact would be so he picked all three of you," they smiled at the thought of Robbie picking which one would be more likely to run to his aide and just nodded. "I'm sorry to tell you this but Robbie's fit was caused by the tumour swelling too much against his skull. Not only did he fit but the pressure caused him to stroke," he looked at the four faces looking at him. "The result is that all of his brain cells were totally destroyed."

"What does that mean?" Burke asked and Sally moved forward.

"If Robbie ever woke up, and the probability is slim, he'll brain dead and not remember any of you." She felt her own tears forming as she saw how heartbroken they all were at the news. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely. She got so used to saying that to people that she started sounding like a robot but she'd had the chance to meet Robbie and she could tell how much he'd meant to the four people now standing in front of her.

"Robbie is now on a life machine to help him breathe but he did sign a DNR but said that you guys had the right to say when the machine was to be turned off. He just didn't want to live through the pain anymore." The doctor explained and Jackie felt herself nod. She knew Robbie would do that. He hated watching people suffer on machines.

"I'll phone Gail," she whispered before smiling at Sally. "Thank you for everything." She said before walking out of the waiting room. She headed to the ladies room and as soon as she'd closed the door, she threw herself against the wall. Her tears falling fast as she screamed into her hands. How could this be happening to her again?

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	10. Chapter 10

**AUTHORS NOTE: This is just a useless little chapter that came out of nowhere. I just felt like writing it. My bad. I hope you enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I totally made it up. I have no background information on Gail so this is from my head. I hope you enjoy it.**

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**[Girl Talk]**

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"You should have known better than to take him out," Gail's hiss hurt Jackie more than she ever thought it would. If Jackie had known that Robbie wasn't feeling well then she would have obviously insisted that they stayed home. He hadn't told her and like Ewan said he hadn't told her for a reason. She turned to look at Gail, tears streaming down her face as she laughed.

"I'm not his guardian, Gail. He wanted to spend the night with his family and he wasn't going to let anything get in his way." She whispered but it wasn't an attempt to save herself. It was the truth. She wouldn't have wanted him to go and then he'd have missed out on all the laughs they'd had. Burke had been having fun, Stuart and Ewan always have fun no matter where they are and she'd seen him smile for the first time in a long time.

Through the window she could see Stuart with his arms around Jamie's shoulders while the young boy held his father's hand. Gail had tried to stop him going in but Jamie had persisted and then eventually had asked Uncle Stuart to take him in because his mum was afraid. Stuart had immediately agreed knowing it was something the young boy needed to do.

"He's not supposed to go yet," Gail whispered softly as she turned away from the window, her back pressing up against it. "You know he talked about you all the time." She whispered truthfully and Jackie looked over at him. "Every time he saw Jamie, I'd hear the two of them talking about you. Jamie would tell him stories of the two of you getting married so that he'd have two mummy's and one would be a cool detective and one would be me." Jackie smiled lovingly at the young boy.

"Robbie told me a couple of weeks ago he loved me for the first time. He said he'd been waiting for the right moment."

"There's never a better reason then learning you are going to die in a month," Gail laughed at the irony. She'd always teased that it would take Robbie something major for him to ever admit he had feelings for anyone but himself and here she was with her case being proven. It just happened that it was the most awful way possible. "Why didn't you ever tell him that you loved him?"

"I didn't want to be the girl that admitted she'd fallen in love with Robbie Ross. He's the all time player," she laughed smiling at how many mornings he had come in and immediately dropped the name of the woman that he'd slept with the night before. She looked over at Gail.

"You know he was heartbroken when you married Brian," she said pursing her lips as she turned back to face the window, she could see her son talking to his father and she didn't know Stuart looked so calm. She'd be a total mess by now. Jackie looked over at the woman and sighed.

"He told me," she whispered before looking back to Robbie. "I told him I didn't want to do this again."

"I heard about Brian's death, Jackie. I'm sorry." She looked over at Robbie and sighed. "This might upset you but whenever he was upset over anything, he came and spoke to me. Sure we acted like we hated each other but you know, Robbie was like a best friend to me. I do think sleeping with him was the biggest mistake of my life minus the fact we got our wonderful son," she paused for a moment to see that Jamie's face was now buried in Stuart's chest, Ewan was behind Stuart squeezing his shoulder. "He was devastated when you lost Brian."

"He was?" Jackie asked confused causing Gail to smile over at her.

"Oh Jackie darling, you should realise that all he wanted was to take away your pain. You had so many bad days after that and it killed him inside. You have no idea how many times I told him to talk to you but he always gave the excuse that you were hurting and wouldn't have time for him plus he had some thoughts that you liked Burke because you did talk to Burke."

Jackie found herself laughing then. Robbie had been jealous of her friendship with Burke? Burke? He had thought that she would chose to run off with Burke and that had stopped him from talking to her about Brian? She looked over at him on his death bed, tears of laughter mixing with the ones of sadness causing her to look over at Gail.

"He thought he understood women," she joked shaking her head, a happy smile on her face as she looked over at him.

"Yeah, he wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree." Gail responded with a laugh before sighing. "I don't know how Jamie is going to cope after this, Jackie. I know he wasn't extremely close to Robbie but he was as close as he could get and he loved his dad more than anything. There is so much more he could be doing with Jamie,"

"Gail, you're engaged to that boyfriend of yours now. Jamie will understand that he's not his father but he'll still have a guy to look after him. Robbie would want that." Gail smiled happily before looking back into the hospital room. "Besides he'll always have his three uncles," she said nodding her head towards where it appeared Stuart was telling Jamie stories about his father due to the laughter that was coming from the four men that gathered in the room.

"Yes. They'll always be there for him," Gail admitted before smiling at Jackie. "You know what, I do believe you're the best thing to have ever happened to Robbie. He was stupid to leave it so late."

"Thank you," Jackie responded before looking back at the room. "Shall we go inside and join in the story telling?"

"Oh yes, we obviously have loads to tell." She squeezed Jackie's hand before leading her into the room, her arm wrapping around her son as he moved towards her.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	11. Chapter 11

**AUTHORS NOTE: So I think we're nearing the end team. I know. It's tragic because we all know what's coming. No fluffy ending. No change. It's all over. Sorry! I would like to let you know that this chapter had me in tears as I wrote it and I erased several times. I'm still not very happy but I think it's the best I can do before I depress myself!**

**AUTHORS NOTE TWO: So I kind of wrote this chapters AGES ago and thought I had uploaded it... I'm such a tool...**

**DISCLAIMER: So I have no real knowledge into the older episodes of Taggart so each flashback is just my poetic licensing. You know you don't mind. It helped the story.**

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**[Memories]**

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The rest of the team had said their goodbyes and had allowed for Jackie to move into the room to be with him. She stood at the door for a few minutes, her hand holding onto the handle tight. She wanted to run away. She didn't want to say goodbye to him. Not so soon after saying hello to their relationship. Finally letting go of the door, she moved towards the bed and took hold of his hand. "You realise how much I hate you for making the whole "being at death's door" look good, right?" She joked lamely knowing that that was a Robbie trait. She cursed. "I'm turning into you now. Isn't that just a kick in the head?" She laughed to herself before letting go of his hand.

Grabbing hold of the chair, she pulled it nearer to his bed and sat down before reaching over to take hold of his hand again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. I just needed a chair. It's a bitch standing up for so long," she explained before looking down at him, a smile tracing her face as she thought back to their first meeting and the impression she'd gotten of him.

"_Alright gorgeous," a Scottish accent drawled behind her. Jackie clenched her teeth, her hand tightening on the file that she was digging out of the cabinet. Whipping around, she felt her heartbeat stop as she stared into the face of one of the most handsome guys she'd ever met before and the urge to shoot him slowly disappeared. Quickly recovering, she slammed the drawer shut._

"_How may I help you..." she paused, her gaze looking up from the file as she moved towards her desk._

"_Detective Ross," he said moving to sit on her desk, his hand resting on his knee as he looked down at her. "I assume you're the detective Reid I've heard so much about," he said with a grin. She couldn't help but bite back a smile at his grin as she shook her head._

"_Look, stop trying to flirt because it'll never happen and I'd suggest going to talk to your new boss." She said pointing over at the office door. He looked over and smiled at the boss too before jumping off her desk. Just before reaching the door, he turned back round to look at her and actually winked. "You've been a help, doll." He winked before shutting the door behind him. Instead of throwing the pencil she held in her hand at the door, she snapped it in half._

"_What's wrong with you?" Stuart asked moving to sit down, reaching over and handing her the coffee._

"_The new DI is a jerk."_

"I honestly thought you were the biggest jerk ever," she said laughing as she shook her head, her thumb stroking the back of his hand. "But that didn't last long, did it?" She thought shaking her head. He had won her over like immediately. His charm, his boyish good looks and the fact that he never took anything serious had made her fall for him. She saw him as a best friend because at this time, she was totally hung up on Jardine despite knowing that nothing would ever happen because he was married to the job.

"_So you love him?" She jumped hissing as the hot coffee spilt on her hands. Whipping round, she glared at the newbie and sighed. He just continued to smile at her as he held out the handkerchief he always kept on his inside pocket. _

"_Did anyone ever teach you that it was wrong to sneak up on people?" She demanded to know as she wiped off the coffee and clenching her teeth at the nice redness that was now replacing her usually pale skin. "And do I love who?"_

"_Jardine," Robbie said jumping up on the kitchen counter and studying her. "I'm a detective, Reid. I can see that you jump the minute he barks and your looks are too damned lingering." He mentioned and she just shook her head._

"_Is this why you came here? Did you get kicked out of Aberdeen by the whole feminine race because you're an actual dick at times?" She demanded to know and she just got more infuriated when he started to chuckle. He just shook his head before jumping off the counter. He came up behind her, his hands resting on her hips as he whispered,_

"_Oh sweetheart, no woman has ever chased me away because they know I'm as good as it's going to get but Jardine over there," he paused momentarily and she felt like elbowing him in the gut but she also kind of wanted to know what he was going to say, "is married to this place. He'd not give you a single glance despite your million a day or the soft giggle you give him when he's done something stupid. He sees you as a best friend and nothing more. I'd show you the stars, Reid."_

"_You..." but he'd gone before she even had chance to finish off her sentence._

She felt a single tear slip down her cheek as she thought back to how neither of them ever brought that conversation back up. It went unheard of even though it probably played on both their minds. Her lingering looks towards Jardine had stopped, kind of. She'd always have a bond with Michael but she knew that nothing could ever compare to the new lust she felt towards Robbie. Every time he looked up at her, she couldn't help but smile back.

"You brought out the teenage girl in me," she whispered sadly and more tears fell down her cheeks. "If only we'd been brave enough to talk about that conversation, Robbie. I'd never have married Brian and we could have been together earlier..." She buried her face into his chest, her shoulders trembling from every sob that she released. "Why did you never..." she paused.

Oh god, he had brought it back up. Once but it had been such a bad time.

_She stood outside in the cold, her hands rubbing her arms as she took a deep breath. "Do you realise how beautiful you are?" She closed her eyes, a smile warming her face because she'd recognise that voice anywhere. Turning around, she smiled up at him._

"_I never thought this day would come," she whispered looking down at the white gown and Robbie smiled as he nodded his head. He'd found himself hoping it would never come but yet, here she was dressed in a simple wedding gown and on her wedding finger she wore another man's ring. He found himself smiling despite the unusual feeling ripping away at his chest._

"_I'm sure you didn't," he replied before looking away from her. She took a step forward, her hand pressing to her shoulder as she moved so that she was in his gaze._

"_Are you okay, Robbie?" She wanted to know because she didn't like it when he was upset. He just shrugged his shoulders, his gaze moving to look up at the sky. He smiled._

"_Do you remember that afternoon I promised to show you the stars?" She found herself nodding before tipping back her head and gasping. She'd never seen so many stars before and it was so beautiful. She found herself smiling like a small child and when she turned to look at Robbie again she jumped a little to see him staring directly at her. She smiled softly._

"_Thank you for..." and this time he cut her off but not by walking away. No. Instead he leant in, his hand taking hold of her chin and he kissed her. She knew that she should pull away. Right now was a bad time to be kissing another guy but yet she was drawn to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingertips teasing the tips of his hair. When the kiss was over, they stared at each other breathless and it only took a few minutes for Jackie to curse and run away._

"We have so many moments in our friendship we don't talk about," she laughed to herself as she thought back to that kiss. She shook her head. "If only we'd have run away then. I would have had a failed marriage but because of a good reason." She said laughing as she burst into tears. "Who am I kidding? Everyone knew how I felt about you. Everyone but you! It took death to make you realise." She shouted through her tears before burying her face back into his chest.

"I love you," she whispered into his chest before standing up and climbing up onto the bed next to him. She wrapped herself around him, her hand taking hold of his as she looked into his face. "We were such fools. So many moments in our friendship and yet we took them when it was too late. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispered into his ear before burrowing her face into his neck.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	12. Chapter 12

**AUTHORS NOTE: So I thought a 200 word drabble would be the best way to end this story. I know, it's over and it's not as teary as I wanted it but if I had dragged it out any longer than all power would have gone so here you have the final chapter.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing**

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[**The End]**

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A loud beeping noise woke Jackie up the next morning, her heart racing as she recognised the tone. The bedroom door flew open and a nurse helped her down off the bed, pushing her towards the door demanding that she leave the room. She found herself refusing, her hand clutching to the door handle as she demanded to stay there with them.

She watched as the doctor tried his best to keep Robbie breathing, his hands beating down on his chest and his nurse squeezing the air pump. Jackie's tears fell uncontrollably and she didn't know if she could take it anymore.

Remembering Robbie's one wish, she burst through the crowd of doctors and demanded they stop through her tears. She tore his hands away from Robbie's bare chest, her shoulders shaking with the shed tears. He had signed the DNR and she wasn't going to go against that.

One of the nurses squeezed her shoulder, the doctor recited the time of death and then she found herself standing in the room alone. She fell down on the bed, her face buried into her chest as she screamed out her tears. She didn't want him to go.

She loved him.


End file.
